I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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