Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
