Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
