I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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