the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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