U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
