I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
