Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
