I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
