well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
