you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
