Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Randomize
