upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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