What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?