Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
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There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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