But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?