can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.