I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
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Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
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I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.