problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
