the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
