Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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