What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My vagina just recognized that song.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
