matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
