just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
