Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
