My friends, they love my intelligence
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
