woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
