ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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