she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
