Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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