Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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