Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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