He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
