he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
