Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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