so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
