I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My bed smells like the plague
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
