that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
