for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
