just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was like getting head from an anaconda
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
