the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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