I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
