So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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