between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
birth control should be required to get into college
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
