you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
