You work out of a Hotel?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
