I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
