New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
