Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
