Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm like, not good at living.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
