we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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