You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize