I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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