At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
