I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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