oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Farmville is her only friend.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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