i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
