i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
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Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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