My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
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It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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