DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
that may or may not have been my penis.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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