i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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