Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
