Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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