You're my little dorito
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
