That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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