I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
