He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
