Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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