I think im going to throw up on grandma
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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