we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
