Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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