I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
