Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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