Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
North Korea, Best Korea!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
