Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
