her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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