soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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