everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
